


We Are A Team

by xxxbuffyxxx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Dissociation, Flashbacks, Hurt Nishinoya Yuu, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence, as of yet the others dont feature often, but im only on chapter five
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23110246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxbuffyxxx/pseuds/xxxbuffyxxx
Summary: After Nishinoya bumps into Vice Principal Watanabe one too many times, the teacher takes it upon himself to punish him, and the next thing Noya knew he was in the hospital and of course he didn't have any trauma, he was fine.After all, nothing had happened, right?
Relationships: Nishinoya Yuu & Everyone
Comments: 37
Kudos: 189





	1. Prologue

“Ok, good guys! Let's take a break for a while, yeah?” Coach Ukai said to the team, and everyone legged it off, Hinata and Asahi going to get snacks for everyone, Kageyama, Daichi and Suga kept practicing, but in a much more relaxed way. Ennoshita, Kinoshita, Narita and Tanaka went and collapsed in a heap in the corner of the room. 

Noya jogged up to Ukai and Takeda and asked if he could go to his locker in the main building to get some homework, and they said he could as long as he was fast. 

“Do you need someone to go with you?” his teacher asked, but he shook his head. 

“I’ll be faster on my own. Just send someone after me if I'm longer than 10 minutes.”

Then the small boy sped out of the gym. It only took him three minutes to get to the main building, so he slowed down a bit to get up the stairs. 

It only took him a few moments to get his English textbook from his locker, and then he took off towards the stairs back down. 

Then he ran straight into the Vice Principal. 

“Watanabe Sensei!” Noya called out in surprise and slight fear as the older man turned to glare at him. “I am so sorry, i didn't think anyone would still be-”

“Why…” the man asked, grabbing Noya’s arm almost painfully, “is it always you and your stupid  _ fucking _ club whenever anything goes wrong?”

Noya gulped fearfully. The hand on his arm had gotten harder and more painful and though he pulled weakly, he couldn't get out of the older man’s grip. “Sir please could you let me go?” he asked quietly. He didn't want to cause another scene with the man, he did feel guilty about breaking the vase, but his arm was really starting to hurt now. 

The Vice Principal looked down at Noya’s arm, almost just noticing he was holding it, but he didn't let go. If anything, Noya’s arm felt more pressure, and the boy held back a whimper. He had never felt afraid of the man before, the Vice Principal wasn't very scary at the best of times, but he seemed to have lost his mind. Injuring a student would result in him being fired immediately, and he would probably get a criminal record or something. “Sensei let go.”

Why hadn't anyone come to get him? It had got to have been over 10 minutes by now, Coach Ukai had said he would send someone after 10 minutes, but Noya was still here. He looked down to avoid his teacher’s glare and saw his textbook crumpled on the floor, and he felt his teacher do the same. 

“So now you’re destroying more school property, are you?” he asked, and Noya’s gaze flitted up angrily. 

“I didn't ask to be grabbed! This is your f-”

**_SLAP!_ **

Noya gasped as his head was swung to the right. His free hand went up to cup his own cheek gently, but as gentle as it was he still flinched at the pain. 

Watanabe Sensei had just slapped him. 

His teacher had just whacked him in the face. 

That… that was very illegal, right? It had to be?

Noya couldn't move. His entire body was shaking, his eyes pointed down to the floor. His arm felt numb, the textbook on the floor had slumped even more than it was earlier, and he could see all of the wrinkled pages, mocking him. 

“If I had my way you would never play that stupid fucking sport again. I swear, I don't care how good you are at keepie-uppies, you are a nuisance. A delinquent. I don't know why you bother coming to school you thick little shit, it does nothing. You’re never gonna do anything with your life.”

They both heard footsteps coming up the hall, and they both jerked their heads to where the sound was coming from. They were quite heavy, so Noya guessed it was a teacher or… Asahi!

He was about to call out when Watanabe pulled him closer by his numb arm. “Listen to me you little shit. If I hear you blabbering about then I will personally make your life a living hell, do you understand me?”

Noya felt the man’s fingers digging in even further into the muscle of his arm and he winced. He nodded silently and his arm dropped as it was let go. The Vice Principal tugged the sleeves of his jumper down to hide the red mark and pointed at his face. “Think of an excuse,” and the textbook was in his hand and the teacher was gone. 

“Noya!” a hand spun him around and he was looking into Asahi’s eyes, and he snapped out of it. “What happened to your face?” He opened his mouth, ready to spill everything, but stopped. 

“I fell into my locker, whacked my face.”


	2. What Happened?

Noya was beginning to think that he should just tell everyone what Watanabe was doing to him, because it literally  _ couldn't get any worse _ . 

He had so many bruises that he didn't even know which were from the teacher and which were from volleyball. He guessed that was a good thing though, cause if he couldn't tell then the others definitely wouldn't. 

Suga was seeming a little more pushy recently though. 

He was shaken from his thoughts as his teacher walked into his Physics class and asked for him. Great, what had he done now?

He followed his teacher out and walked behind him, just far enough that his teacher couldn't easily reach him. It had only been a week since the first day of this abuse, but Noya was a fast learner. 

It was funny really, that this was happening to him. His grandfather had always told him that he shouldn't be afraid, what would he say to this? Watanabe was actually quite physically weak, if Noya were taller then he may have been able to take him in a fight. Not that he would try of course, he was in enough trouble. 

He remembered when he was younger he had this neighbour that would tease him about his height. Looking back it was quite shifty, the phrase  _ “Want some of this, kid?” _ now having very negative connotations. It made Noya wonder just how shifty this neighbour was. What would have happened if he had gone into his house that one time? What would have happened if he was on his own like he usually was, instead of his mother picking him up because he was sick? Would he have been able to fight him? 

Just how much of a trouble magnet was Noya?

He was broken out of his thoughts from the cold outside air and Watanabe’s fingers digging into his wrist again. His arms were now littered in hand-shaped marks, he couldn't even roll his sleeves up anymore. 

Noya had given up paying attention to the angry words being screamed out of the teacher’s mouth. He didn't care how much of a ‘mistake’ he was. He hadn't done anything to warrant this. 

Except, he had broken the vase, and crumpled the textbook, and ran into him, and disrupted his day because Watanabe had to go out of his way to yell and hurt him. 

Was all of this his fault?

… was Noya a bad person?

… where did Watanabe go?

Noya looked around from the floor - when did he get down here? - for the teacher who had been yelling at him only a moment ago, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

He tried standing up, but he felt deep pain in his entire body, and groaned, falling back down to the ground. Why did everything hurt so much? What happened?

He looked at the watch on his wrist (which was bleeding?) and saw that it was eight thirty at night. What. The. Fuck? What happened? What happened to most of the day?

Noya heard sirens in the distance and turned his head weakly. They sounded like they were getting closer, which would probably make sense if he’d been missing for about 12 hours. 

Oh fuck, he had missed practice! Daichi and Coach Ukai were both going to have his head!

Suddenly there was a man in front of him, asking him to look at him, to move his head to the left, to the right, and these were instructions that he could follow. They were easy, simple, he could so them in his sleep. 

Maybe he was asleep, maybe all of this was a dream, and he would wake up any moment and be in bed or leaning on Asahi or his mum and all of this would have been a dream. 

Everything was white. He winced at the bright lights and tried turning his head away from them, but they were everywhere. White. White. White. White. White. 

“Baby?” he heard, and he turned his head to look his mum in the eyes. 

“Mum?” he asked,  _ was that his voice? It was so weak _ , and she immediately burst into tears. 

She held his arms delicately and pulled him towards her, and then he realised that he was in a hospital gown. “Mum where are my clothes?”

She sobbed even louder. 

“Ok, what's going on?” he asked seriously, pulling away from her. “I don't know what's wrong with me! One minute I had been called away from first period by Watanabe Sensei and then it was eight o’clock! And then there was a doctor and now I'm in a hospital but I swear to God I was just taken out of my lesson!!”

Then he heard a cough and he turned to see another doctor standing there with a clipboard in her hands. “Do you remember who I am, Mr Nishinoya?”

Noya frowned and shook his head. “Should I?”

His mother gasped and nodded. “She greeted you when you got here, baby! She’s been talking to you all night while I was trying to get out of work!”

Wait, what?

“What day is it?” Noya asked, his stomach feeling the newly familiar weight of fear, but in a different sense. A person he could deal with, but what if he was crazy? What if there was something really wrong with him? Like, mental hospital level wrong?

“Sweetie, it’s Saturday afternoon!”

Noya heard the annoying beeps which he hadn't noticed until now speed up quicker and quicker and quicker and he couldn't control his own breaths. “What happened? What did he do to me? He’s never done anything bad before, it was just hits, I can deal with hits, I've dealt with hits before!”

And he had. He didn't remember when, but now he knew that the slaps and punches and grabs from his Vice Principal weren't new. 

“Noya, we are going to ask you to talk to a therapist for a moment. He will calm you down and will try to figure out what happened, ok? I am going to have to leave with your mother…”

“No!” Noya screamed, and he grabbed onto his mum’s arms. Wait, was he hurting her? He let go. Wait, where was she?

He felt something cold in his arms, but he couldn't focus on it. _ Mum couldn't leave, I need her… _

She was gone.


	3. Session 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After meeting his counsellor, Noya wasn't sure what to do. After all, he was making a big deal out of literally nothing. 
> 
> Noya remembered nothing about this so called 'trauma' that everyone was talking about.

She was gone, and sitting where she used to be was a small young man, with similar facial hair to Asahi. Noya missed Asahi, it felt like forever since he had seen his best friend. 

“Mr Nishinoya?” he asked, and Noya nodded. “I am sorry about that, we didn't want you to hurt yourself.”

“What happened? What's wrong with me, why can't I remember anything?”

The man sighed and looked down at his clipboard. “I am going to ask you a few questions, they are only basic, i can't diagnose you with anything from this, but it will help me to figure out what happened. Firstly, can you tell me what happened yesterday?”

Noya frowned and thought back. “Watanabe Sensei took me out of lessons again…”

“Does he do this often?” the man asked, and Noya wondered if he should know this man too. 

“Last week I bumped into him in the hallway, I fucked up a textbook, he got mad. He hit me and hurt my arm, but I couldn't tell anyone. He’s been doing it since then.”

Why was he saying all of this? Why did he trust this man. Noya knew he would get hurt if he told the truth, what was wrong with him?

“What is ‘it’? What has your Vice Principal been doing?”

“Mainly hitting me, knocking me around, yelling at me. He kicked me once, but then he almost fell over and got embarrassed,” and Noya giggled. He’d almost forgotten just how out of shape the adult was. If it weren't so serious then he would seriously consider laughing at the elder man. If it didn't hurt so much…

“I don't know what happened yesterday. He was yelling at me, like usual, but I don't know what he was-”

_ You fucking told someone you little shit! _

What?

_ The teacher in your little club came up to me last night in the staffroom and told me to stay away from you! Who did you fucking tell, because I swear to God if I get in trouble for fixing your broken ass I'm going to kill you, Do You Hear Me? _

Noya couldn't breathe. He remembered what he had been yelling about. Noya hadn’t said anything! He had told no one, because then something could have happened to his friends!

“Nishinoya?”

_ When I find out which one of these little bitches you told I'm going to kill them, and I am going to make you watch, I fucking swear! My son’s part of a gang! I could probably get him to help me for cash, that’s the type of thing that he’s into. I could get my son on the phone and get him to kill all of your little fucking club, and make you watch! He might even make them suffer first! I heard you’re all little faggots, right? I'm sure I can find which ones of his friends would be willing to fuck yours! A hole is a hole, right? _

_ A hole is a hole. _

_ A hole is a hole.  _

_ Want some of this, kid? A hole is a hole. _

Everything went black. 

…

…

…

…

…

…

“What's your name, sir?” Noya asked. 

The small man gasped a bit, eyes flicking from the heart monitor to Noya’s face. “My name is Kageyama Shouta,” he said, and Noya blanched a bit. 

“Kageyama as in Tobio?”

Kageyama chucked a bit and nodded. “That is my son, yes.”

Nishinoya nodded his own head, trying to process this information. “He never told any of us that his parents existed, I guess I kinda forgot that he had family.”

The counsellor smiled at him for a moment, but then his face got stoic. “May I ask you some questions, or do you need a bit more time?”

Noya took a deep breath, but nodded his head. “I can go.”

“Have you had repeated, disturbing, and unwanted memories of the stressful experience?”

“Which one?”

“Which one? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean what do you mean? Does it matter which experience, which kind of experience? What do you mean?”

“Well i was talking about the situation which happened most recently, on Friday, but can you think of any similar experiences?”

Nishinoya thought hard. “I don't remember what happened on Friday, but I've been getting flashes of it I think. At least, it's either memories or me making experiences up. But I have also been remembering things from when I was younger, and from what I remember that was the same.”

“Wait, do you not know what happened on Friday?”

The libero shook his head, and Kageyama took a shaky breath. 

“Nishinoya… the last time you went to lessons was for twenty minutes in your first class. When you were pulled out of that by your Vice Principal…”

Noya flinched hard. 

“... everyone thought that you would be gone for a while, or you had pulled some kind of prank. However, when you didn't show up for second lesson, and then you weren't there for third, and the Vice still wasn't there, your friends started getting worried about you. Some asked the teachers if you were being suspended again, but no one knew. Your friend Asahi said that he had been concerned about just how much you were being called away because of Watanabe…”

Noya flinched again. 

“... so he called the police and asked them what he should do. The police called the school and next thing everyone knows they have issued a search party. Apparently, your teacher had a few strikes because of being too harsh with his students, so everyone wanted to make sure you were ok. When everyone found you… apparently it wasn't good.”

“Why? What happened to me?”

Kageyama flinched again, “I'll tell you in a minute, next question?” Noya nodded. “Do you have repeated or disturbing dreams of the event?”

Noya shrugged, “see previous answer? Plus, I haven't slept very much I don't think. At least, I don't remember sleeping…”

Kageyama nodded and wrote that down on his clipboard. “Have you felt as if the stressful experience were actually happening again?”

Noya squinted at him, asking what he meant with his eyes. 

“As if you were actually there again, experiencing it again.”

Noya frowned and stared at his knees, picking at the sheet covering his body. “I think so? It sometimes feels like I'm with Watanabe Sensei again, even when I'm in class or at home. Like, I can hear him yelling at me super clearly, or I can… never mind, its dumb.”

“Now, I'm sure it's not. Often symptoms for many mental disorders are very confusing or seem impossible. I promise if you are possessed I will get an exorcist though.”

Noya chucked weakly, still reluctant. “Sometimes I can… feel… his hands on me.”

Kageyama gasped loudly, “I thought you didn't remember what happened on Friday?”

Noya blinked for a moment, “what do you mean?”

Kageyama blinked back at him. “Well, what do  _ you _ mean?”

“When he hit me, I can feel him grabbing my arms…”

_ Noya’s arm felt more pressure, and the boy held back a whimper.  _

“... it hurt.”

Kageyama wanted to cry. This boy knew his son, they were friends, this could have  _ happened to his son _ . 

No. 

This happened to this young boy. This young boy right in front of him couldn't remember what had happened to him. As much as Shouta loved his son, one reason why he hated the Oikawa boy so much was because he hadn't even really laid a hand on Tobio, and his son still cried about it. As much as Tobio tried to look tough, he was delicate. Something as small as an insult could be on his mind for weeks. If this had happened to Tobio…

But it hadn't. It happened to Nishinoya. It had happened to this extremely young boy, and Shouta couldn't figure out if it was better or worse that he couldn't remember. 

“If something reminds you of this experience…”

“It depends.” Noya interrupted. “Like, right now I keep hearing Sensei’s voice… and someone else’s, both saying mean stuff, like ‘I’m gonna kill you’ and ‘a hole’s… a hole’ and…”

Noya’s world stopped for a moment. He couldn't feel anything other than hands on his body, his arms, his neck, his… his ass? Everything was pushing down on him, from all angles and he felt small. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't protect himself, everyone was just so much bigger than him and why did he think that he could make it in volleyball when he couldn't defend himself against  _ invisible people? _

There was a hand on his, it was gentle and squeezed slightly, but not hard enough to hurt him like the others. It was nice. It was safe. 

His other hand was taken with the same softness, and he felt a cold material between his fingers, and he gripped onto it. It was nice. It was safe. 

_ “Don't worry, Nishinoya, you are here, it’s Sunday 14 March, no one is here to hurt you,”  _ a voice said. The voice was familiar, he knew it. He trusted it. It was nice. It was safe. 

He was safe. 

As his vision came back, Noya noticed that now he was holding on to Kageyama’s hand and his fist was clenched into the sheets. The man was still calmly comforting him, and the hands slowly left his body. He could breathe. 

“What… What just happened?”

“That was a flashback I think. Your mind was thrown back to a memory that was too hard to process, so it tried to face the memory head on.”

Noya took a shuddering breath. Those hands had been on him before?

“What was the question again?”

Kageyama frowned and squeezed Noya’s hand a bit tighter, but not too tight. “You don't need to continue right now if you can't.” 

“I want to.”

“Ok, the question was if something reminds you of the negative experience, did you feel extremely upset, but I think we just found out the answer to that question, so shall I move on to the other?”

Noya nodded quietly, and Kageyama sighed and put his clipboard down. “Actually, I am going to give you a break, ok? You seem to need one.”

Noya took a shaky breath and nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

A moment later he was deep into sleep. 

  
  



	4. Session 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya was starting to understand why he was here, but he still didn't remember much of what had happened. But why was he starting to remember his old neighbour as well? What did he have to do with anything?

The next day, Kageyama was there again, and they skipped most of the formalities. Noya told the counselor that he would prefer it if they finished the test today, and Kageyama agreed. 

“The next question was do you get physical reactions to remembering these events, but the answer as we saw yesterday is yes, so unless you have any objections we can continue.”

Noya nodded. 

He was exhausted. Every time he had slipped into unconsciousness last night he had been awoken by vivid nightmares, and try as he may he couldn't remember anything other than hands on his skin. 

On the bright side, this was his last day in hospital. Score!

Kageyama continued. “Ok, the next question is do you try your best to avoid thinking about these experiences.”

Noya thought for a moment, “I guess? Since I didn't remember these until this week and some of these memories seem to be years old I guess I’ve been avoiding them for a while.” He tried going for humour. It didn't work. 

Kageyama “hmm”ed and wrote something on his clipboard, and Noya knew it  _ must _ have been something like ‘deflects bad emotions with humour’ and it would have been 100% correct, he did do that. 

“Have you tried avoiding people or things which remind you of the negative experiences?”

“Duh,” was all Noya said. He didn't feel like he had to explain that, but Kageyama just nodded, obviously expecting more. “Well, I’ve been trying to stay away from the Vice Principal, obviously, and…” Noya trailed off. 

“Yes?” Kageyama said, putting a hand on the volleyball player’s arm comfortingly, “You don't need to say if it makes you uncomfort-”

“I don't use my locker anymore.” Noya forced out. “That's where I was, the first time.”

Kageyama looked down at his pad, but wrote nothing. After a moment, he squeezed Noya’s hand again, and said, “i am so sorry. If you wish, I can ask the school to change your locker placement.”

Noya nodded and smiled at the man. How did someone this kind and open create Kageyama Tobio, Noya would never know.

He missed his team so much. 

“Ok then, are you comfortable with continuing?”

Noya nodded and Kageyama took a moment to write on the clipboard, before asking, “Do you have trouble remembering parts of-”

“Wait, that's a thing? Is it normal to have, like, gaps?”

The counselor looked at him and nodded, saying “yes, amnesia of the experience, or parts of the experience is actually quite common.”

Noya was reeling. He wasn't broken, other people had this too! He wasn't alone, others knew what this was like!

“Yeah, like i said yesterday, I… don't remember what happened on Friday at all, and… like… other parts of the week? I don't remember lunch on Wednesday, which is weird, cause lunch is usually super fun, so i remember it the most, but… nothing. Oh, and he stopped me from going to volleyball practice on Thursday after school, but i only remember Daichi, our captain, asking if i was in trouble after whatever happened, happened.”

Noya had surprised himself with just how much he couldn't remember. “And he pulled me out of maths on Tuesday, and i don't think i remember all of that. I mean, i remember some stuff, like him dragging me to the staffroom, and i think i remember the first hits, but i don't remember most of it. And… i don't remember the lesson after either, wait, did i even show up to bio that day?”

Kageyama shrugged and wrote on his clipboard. “I don't know, but when you get out of here you can ask them.”

Oh yeah. 

He was going home later!

Noya jiggled happily in the bed and waited for the counsellor to finish. 

“Alright then, Nishinoya, is yourself or the world extremely negative?”

Noya frowned. “What?”

“Do you frequently think or say things like ‘I am bad, there is something seriously wrong with me, no one can be trusted, the world is completely dangerous’, or anything like that?”

Hm. 

“I… don't think the world is a safe space sometimes, and people cant be easily trusted, especially…”

Kageyama nodded, but Noya didn't want to finish that sentence. “You can say it, you won't be in trouble.”

Noya hesitated, but whispered, “adults are dangerous.”

He was expecting some kind of reaction. His parents would have gotten angry at that kind of comment, putting all adults in a box, even though they did the same with those in the LGBT community. There was a reason he wasn't out to them yet. But Kageyama wasn't mad at him, he didn't even seem offended, he just nodded and wrote it down. 

“That is understandable, your teacher-”

“It hasn't only been him, other adults have been shit too,” Noya continued, his voice shaking. He had to say this, it was important. “There was a guy when I was younger who made me feel super uncomfortable too, a neighbour, he’d come over sometimes and babysit when my uncles were busy and stuff. He’d joke about stuff which I wouldn’t understand, I cant remember anything specific, but I think he made dick jokes, incest jokes, stuff like that. I remember he kept saying that everything was… a secret.”

He could hear the man’s voice in his ear now. “Don't tell mummy or daddy, yeah Yuu? Us younglings gotta stay together, and if they knew-”

“I don't wanna hear him!” Noya said, probably too loud for a hospital, and he practically whacked his ears with his palms to keep the voice out, even though he wasn't sure if the voice was coming from outside his head. 

“Noya? It’s ok, it’s 2020, we are in the hospital right now, I am the only other person here, my name is Kageyama Shouta, you are safe.”

Noya opened his eyes and saw the man sitting up in his chair, a concerned but calm look on his face, and he took a deep breath.  _ Stop being stupid _ , he thought, and he shook his head. “Yeah, adults have been a bit icky for me.”

Then again, he trusted Takeda sensei, and coach Ukai, so he trusted some, but still…

“Are you ok with continuing?” Kageyama asked, and Noya nodded, snuggling into the hospital sheets. “Ok, if you need a break please tell me, and we can always meet up tomorrow if we don’t finish today. Remember that this is all for you, and you control the pace of these sessions.”

Noya smiled at the man and nodded again. He didn't know why he trusted him so much, but he gave off an air of safety. 

“Do you in any way feel like what your Vice Principal did to you was your fault?”

“Wasn't it?” Noya asked, and Kageyama frowned at him. “What? It was. I’m the one who keeps annoying him and stuff. I broke the vase that got me suspended last time, I ran into him that night, I’ve been inconveniencing him for months, I’m only getting what I deserve, he was trying to… fix me.”

The counsellor put his clipboard down and leant forward slightly. “Nishinoya, I’m going to say something and I want you to listen to it very carefully, ok?” He waited a moment for all of Noya’s attention to be on him, and then continued. “What that man did to you was awful and cruel. Even if there were something wrong with you, which I am very sure there isn’t, that would be no reason to hurt you in any way. Watanabe was a teacher and he should be perfectly fine with using legal ways to discipline his students. You did not mean to break that vase, and i'm assuming that it was too dark to see him when you bumped into him.”

“But I messed up a school textbook!”

“How?”

Noya dropped his head and mumbled, “dropped it, got crumpled”

Kageyama took a deep breath. What that man had done to this child was unforgivable, and if the man had any less self control he would go to the holding cell the criminal was in and he would give him a piece of his mind, but right now he had to console the child. 

“A crumpled textbook can be fixed easily, and even if it were broken beyond repair, it is replaceable. You are not.”

Noya looked back up, tears in his eyes. “Promise?” he asked quietly, and Shouta’s heart melted. 

“I promise.”

Noya let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and let the tears fall. The man next to his bed offered him tissues and he took them, muttering a thank you in between his quiet sobs. 

“Can we take a break?” he asked, and Kageyama nodded, smiling. Noya offered his own smile back, and though it was shaky, they were both relieved that he could manage a smile after the conversation they had just had. 

  
  



	5. Session 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya felt hands on his skin, under his clothes, he could smell cigar smoke through the clean hospital, he could taste something and it tasted gross and he couldn't get the taste out of his mouth he could barely hear the man in the room with him, he could hear the tv in his living room still playing the horror movie that Matsui had put on…
> 
> Matsui…?
> 
> His babysitter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh big trigger warning for flashback and panic attacks, as well as the obvious warnings

Half an hour later, and three boxes of tissues later, Noya sniffed and sat up. “Sorry about that”

Kageyama smiled at him and shrugged. “I’ve cried for longer. Do you want to continue or do you want to wait?”

The child took a deep breath and nodded, “I can try to go on, but you’re the expert.”

The adult chuckled but nodded, “If you think you’re ok then we can keep going, but please tell me if you need to stop.”

Noya nodded and smiled, getting comfortable before turning expectantly to the counselor. “Do you feel ashamed or guilty, or anything like that?”

Noya frowned, thinking about how he felt. “I… don't know? I think I’m embarrassed that he had… has such a strong grip on me even when he’s not here, and I'm… scared, and sad, so actually… yeah.”

“... you might not know the answer to this question yet, but have you lost interest in any of the activities you used to love?”

Hm. firstly: what activities did Noya enjoy? Volleyball, obviously, but also he liked hanging out with friends, messing around, climbing, playing word games with his mum which he always lost because she was a japanese teacher and he sucked at most of his lessons…

“As far as I’m aware no.”

Kageyama nodded, writing it down. “Are you feeling shut off or distant from people?”

“Yes.” Noya answered immediately. “I didn't want to hurt my friends by them being around me and Watanabe seeing that, so I started staying away from them, but now… I'm scared that they’re gonna make fun of me or something, even though I know they would never.”

Kageyama put his hand on the side of the bed and smiled at Noya. “There is volleyball practice going on later today, and though i wouldn’t recommend playing, you can go and meet up-”

“Why can’t I play?” Noya asked, and the counselor next to him visibly flinched. “Why. Can’t. I. Play?” he asked again, and Kageyama sighed. 

“I’m going to tell you what happened on Friday, but you need to know that it was… bad.”

Noya’s breathing was gradually getting faster, but he ignored it. He had wanted to know what had happened ever since he woke up but now…

Now he was scared. What could have happened to make the man so serious all of a sudden?

“Nishinoya… you went missing from your physics class when your teacher pulled you out of the classroom to talk to you about something. None of your teachers knew what that was but because of your track record they didn't think of anything malicious.”

Noya had to take a deep breath. If he was just a better kid then maybe this would never have happened. Maybe if he was a good kid everyone would have questioned it and they would have come after him and…

Hands on his throat, hands on his hips, hands on his…

“Noya, it’s alright, you’re right here!”

No, he was there and it was dark and there were people everywhere it was Friday… no, it wasn't friday he was a kid he was much smaller, and his neighbour was babysitting at his house again, and everything  **hurt** !

“Noya, you are safe, it is the year 2020, no one is here to hurt you, whoever you are thinking about isn’t here, they can’t touch you.”

“No,” Noya said, curling up and pressing his hands painfully against his head, “no, i’m there and they’re hurting me and it hurts, make it stop!”

“Noya, i promise you they can’t hurt you.”

“No you can't, because everything hurts so much they won’t stop touching me STOP TOUCHING ME!”

Noya felt hands on his skin, under his clothes, he could smell cigar smoke through the clean hospital, he could taste something and it tasted gross and he couldn't get the taste out of his mouth he could barely hear the man in the room with him, he could hear the tv in his living room still playing the horror movie that Matsui had put on…

Matsui…?

His babysitter?

Noya turned, but instead of seeing Mats… his old babysitter, he saw Kageyama stroking his arm. It felt wrong. 

“I’m sorry,” he said with a croaky voice (damn, had he been screaming?) “could you please not touch me?”

Kageyama gasped quietly and let go of his arm quickly. “I am sorry, Nishinoya, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Noya shrugged shakily and took a deep breath. “Did they…” he took another breath, “did they… touch me. Inappropriately?”

Kageyama had tears in his eyes when Noya had said it. “Yes.”

The libero burst into tears. Thinking back, he could barely remember how those hands felt on his skin, he couldn't remember any of their faces at all, but he remembered the fear. 

No. stop thinking about it. 

“Is that why I can't play volleyball?”

The counselor nodded. “I am honestly surprised your body isn’t in pain right now. You do have injuries.”

Noya’s eyebrows raised as he tried standing up, but he felt no pain. Everything just felt numb. 

That was bad, right? He could barely feel his body at all. 

Wait, there was something. 

“Everything feels really far away. It's like it hurts, but it’s not me.”

Kageyama nodded. “You seem extremely dissociated, I think it would be a bad idea for us to continue right now.”

“No!” Noya cried out suddenly, making the both of them jump. “I can’t just wait until the next session, I want to finish this now!”

Kageyama smiled at him and stood up, holding a hand out and having it be taken by the boy. “Here, maybe seeing a friend will make you feel better.”

“Wha-?” Noya started, before he felt someone pull him into a bone crushing hug. If it were any other type of hug then he maybe would have freaked out, but he knew this hug. “Tanaka!”

The smaller boy let go of Kageyama’s hand and jumped further into his friend’s grip. Instead of feeling constricting, it felt familiar, protective, safe. 

Tanaka would die before he let someone hurt one of his friends. 

“Hey Noya!” the spiker said happily, before Noya pulled back a bit.

“I love you bro! Have I said that recently? You’re, like, the best!”

Tanaka smiled back at him and they both laughed, tears in both of their eyes. “I love you too bro. And you're never allowed to scare me like that again, ok?” There was a sudden squeeze of his heart, and Noya was about to apologise when Tanaka continued, saying, “I thought you were gonna tell me I was hugging too hard.”

Damn, how did Noya ever stay away from Tanaka’s contagious joy? How could he ever pull himself away from his friend’s orbit?

Then he started thinking about hands again, this time squeezing his neck enough to leave bruises, and he remembered when this one happened. It was his and his teacher’s first ‘session’ together, and it was what made Noya aware that this wouldn’t be just a bit of anger, it would be much, much worse. 

He pulled out of his friend’s arms. 

“Sorry,” he said quietly, but Tanaka just shrugged, and said, “eh, knew it wouldn't last long. I won't hug you if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Noya could have cried. 

Wait, he was. 

“Thanks, bro. Love you!”

Kageyama quickly wrote something on his notes and looked back up and outside the hospital room, where his son was waiting. 

“You can all come in if you want,” he said, and Noya looked up in surprise when all of the volleyball team came in, and he blinked at them all for a moment. 

“You all came?” He said, not fully understanding, and Hinata smiled at him, chuckling.

“Of course we all came. We care about you Libero Senpai!”

Noya burst into tears of joy. 


End file.
